The First Twenty Four
- Ilda Hadziahmetovic
- Oct 28, 2020
- 6 min read
Here we are, three weeks postpartum, trying to wrap my head around how quickly these first few weeks have passed. Unaware of time, probably because of all the beautiful sleep and rest I’m getting these days. (lol) I’m sure all my moms remember this kind of sleep deprivation very well. The kind where you frantically look for your newborn in between your sheets because you think you dropped her mid eating, only to look over and find her peacefully sleeping in her bassinet, obviously. That kind.
When I got pregnant with Maya, we had a few miscarriage scares at the beginning, I was bleeding, there was no heartbeat for few weeks after taking the test and my doctor basically said it didn’t look good, again.
When we detected her little self, I was over the moon. So happy, yet so fearful at the same time. I was waiting for something to go wrong. (I know! What a shitty way to think)
Fast forward 32 weeks, baby girl was doing so great, BUT she was breeched (just like her sister) and all I could think about was having to do another c section, and for things to go wrong again (just like her sister). I cried, again.
We made it to week 37 and were wonderfully surprised that she flipped and I was given the option to have a VBAC (vaginal delivery after a c section). I cried, again.
But this time, they were happy tears.
I went in twice a week from that point for follow ups, and things weren’t progressing, at all. At one point I was having contractions every 2 minutes but they weren’t doing anything to my cervix (not dilating) and my cervix was swelling up. I had what they considered an “unfavorable cervix”.
Yeah, stupidly it’s considered a thing.
Because of a precious c section, not a candidate for induction, swollen cervix and no change to it, my doctor recommended it was best, and safest, to move forward with another c section (this time scheduled at 39 weeks). I cried, again.
I didn’t tell a lot of people. My husband, sister, sister in law, and only one of my friends knew of this. It was easier to digest it without people telling me “everything is going to be okay”. I tried not to think about it and knew if people knew they would remind me, even by asking how I’m doing.
All I could think was “not again”. Things are going to go south and they will take my baby away from me again. I won’t get to take my baby home again.
I basically tortured myself, mentally. SO FUN!
The day of the surgery, I met my wonderful doctor in the hall way on my way to be admitted.
I swear I saw her big reassuring smile under her mask and in her eyes.
My husband and I walked over to labor and delivery, they checked me in, put in my IV and basically said to wait until it’s my turn. My surgery was scheduled at 1 PM, I was taken into the OR at 3:30. (there were three other babies that couldn’t wait their turn lol).
They rolled me into the OR, leaving my husband behind, and prepped me onto the table. “Here we go again” is all I could think.
I was given the epidural, little monitors were placed on me, they laid me down and started talking amongst one another. Nurses asking each other how their days are going, if anyone made coffee and what their weekend plans were. The anesthesiologist making some doctor joke that I couldn’t even find funny at that moment. All I could think was “here we go again”.
At this point my husband arrived. And so did my anxiety. I got nauseous (not a typical nausea) and started having shivers. The anesthesiologist noticed quickly and fixed the problem right away. Didn’t even throw up this time. Just came super close to it.
My husband sat down next to me, and said “your sister is here!”
Now, for those that don’t know; my sister is a nurse, she was a labor and delivery nurse as well, and joked for 6 months about how she will put on her scrubs and sneak her way into the OR since Covid restrictions wouldn't let her be there for the birth of her niece. She joked, but I never fully laughed, fearing she wasn't joking. So when he said that, my instant reaction was to look around the room and try to recognize her sneaky eyes under one of those glasses. He looked at me and said “no, not “here” here, in my pocket”. Which was even weirder to hear. I really thought the drugs were getting to me, or I was asleep and dreaming. But she she was indeed in his pocket; on FaceTime, listening in to everything.
My husband locked eyes with me, and didn’t take them off. Kept telling me to stay awake and that I was doing great. That she would be here soon. My rockstar.
My angel of a doctor kept reassuring me everything was going great and things are moving along. (I asked maybe 50 times only)
I waited patiently (I mean there was no where I could go lol) and I heard “are you ready mama?”...
Was I ever!
The pulled the drape down, pulled her out and I officially met my third love.
I looked over to the side: and my sister and brother in law were on the phone, cheesing from ear to ear, crying, congratulating us.
My sister telling me I did so good and she was so proud!
One of the nurses brought Maya over and placed her on my chest for skin to skin, while the doctors worked on closing me up.
All I could say was, “she cried, she cried” that’s all that came out of my mouth. Maybe because that’s the one thing I didn’t get with my first, and I longed for that moment, that cry, to tell me, everything is okay. The baby is okay.
Things from that point were a little foggy, thank God my husband recorded everything.
Once we go to our room, after two hours in recovery and monitoring. Things felt perfect. I had a healthy baby in my arms, latched perfectly on my breast, my husband by my bedside, kissing my head, and we were slowly making calls to family and friends introducing our new addition.
We called my parents, and my mom didn’t know if she was confused; angry for not telling her about the scheduled c section before hand, or excited that everything went well.
That was the reaction With most. Sorry everyone. (Lol)
That night I held my new baby, nursed her, counted my lucky stars, prayed and thanked my God for helping lead us there. To that moment. Moment of perfection that I waited for, for 2 years. A moment I longer for; a moment I never had; and never will again.
THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE SWEETEST WISHES AND MSGS. I LOVE YOU!
Now, to cover some of the same questions I received via story post on Instagram
Why did you have a c section?
I think I covered that via blog post. But basically because my risks were a lot lower to have a c section vs a vaginal delivery.
How was delivering during Covid?
Honesty, not as scary as I thought. Yes I had to have a mask during surgery, and every time there was a nurse or doctor in our room for a few minutes, but that was it. It sucked that my sister couldn’t be there for the birth, and that visitors weren’t allowed, but we knew that since day one and actually enjoyed our alone time with new baby. I wish her sister could have been there, but everything worked out regardless.
How’s your recovery? Mine was brutal after my c section.
My recovery was alright. I feel like it was much easier the second time around. I took my hard drugs for only two nights and managed the other nights with OTC pain meds. I didn’t even need help showering this time around. Muscle memory is remarkable, my body knew it did it once and how to recover faster the second time around, I think. It was tough getting up and sitting/laying back down (especially at night) for the first two weeks but it’s getting easier day by day.
Did you use everything in your hospital bag?
I did NOT! I feel life we always overpack. I will do a blog post on what I actually needed and used. Which was 50% of the bag. Just the babies outfits, hand sanitizer, my mask and robe, my own pillow and going home outfit. With a little skin care at hand as well.
Was anyone able to visit you guys in the hospital!
No, there were no visitors allowed.
How did you do emotionally during the first 24 hours?
I was in baby heaven. I felt a high, literally wanted to explode from happiness if that makes sense. I had one low hormonal night on day 5 Postpartum that lasted about an hour, but that was it.
How did the baby sleep?
The first 24 hours she didn’t sleep the best, she cluster fed four about 7 hours straight, but I guess it was great because she helped bring in my milk by being on my boob for so long.
Sincerely, Ilda
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