Guilt or worry?

The last 16 weeks of pregnancy have been a rollercoaster, as most pregnancies are in their first trimester. I focused all my energy on morning sickness, pains and aches, sleepless nights and general worry that I didn't have much time to process the fact that this is really happening and I am really having another child.

I am barely in my 4th month of pregnancy, and still have quite a journey ahead (God willing), so why is there so much guilt with anticipating a second baby, already? Or is it just me?! Am I worried, and confusing it with guilt?

To clear things up, I'm not worried about the change that is headed MY way. I know what's coming and I remember those exhausting first few weeks with a new born, at a hospital, for a whole month. I remember those weeks, VERY WELL, and I know that this delivery and postpartum cannot be worse. So I can handle that. I've adapted to bigger changes. I know that, even if it's a struggle, i'll find my way through and on top.

The thought that runs through my mind, throughout the day, is how this new change will effect Sara?

We have only known her, for the last 4 years, and she has only known us. She has not shared our time, our love, our plays, our bonding with anyone. It has been all about her, and only her. And we enjoyed every minute of it.

So how will this new transition make her feel?

My daughter does not have a jealous personality. She's loving, giving, helpful and so so SO caring. So I know that she will accept her new sister with the same approach. But how will she accept the divided time, love, plays and bonding?

It's the reality. There will be one of me, and two of them.

I worry that she might feel the split attention. That she will notice the less availability from me. That our playtime will be interrupted, our cuddles cut shorter and our one on ones will be one on two's more often than not.

I've heard of the second baby guilt, I've read about it from other bloggers, listened to it from friends and had an idea that it was coming. I just didn't know how real it felt until the last couple of weeks.

The guilt? It's real. So real.

I hope that I can continue to find time for just her and I, and I truly hope that we adjust to the transition fast because it breaks my heart to think that she may feel like she was replaced by this cute tiny new little thing.

As always, I'd love to hear from you and hear what advise you have? How you transitioned, if you had a second baby? Or are your having the same feelings as I am anticipating an addition?

Sincerely,

Ilda