More Happiness on the way

First, and foremost, I want to say Thank You to every person that is still subscribed and finding their way back to the blog. I know I took a long break from writing, but I really have been meaning to get back to it, as I have so much to say, to share. So, THANK YOU, and I hope you stick around and continue to share with me, to inspire me.

Now, I'm sure you already saw my post on Instagram, and in case you have not...I'M PREGNANT!

I have been waiting, for a very long, challenging time to share that, with all of you.

As most have noticed (a lot have asked) the little Rainbow hints on the post. I wanted to take this time to address that, as I really do believe in being honest and sharing with everyone what has been going on, for the benefit of maybe helping someone else going through the same.

When Sara turned One, my husband and I finally decided to have a second baby. Now, to some, that may not be a big deal, but to us (or I should say ME), that was a really difficult decision to make. I was petrified! My pregnancy with my first was hell, and I mean HELL, with so many complications and set backs. My delivery and the following month postpartum was even worse. So, I was convinced that I never wanted to take that risk again and just settle with the one healthy daughter I have. I was content!

Something changed in me, and I was finally giving the idea of having one more another thought. Not for myself, for her, my daughter. I grew up having a sister, who's my best friend, and I really wanted Sara to have a sibling. Someone she can grow with, share her secrets with, trust with all her heart. So that was it, it was decided, and we were both so happy to be doing this for her.

We started TTC (trying to conceive) about 2 years ago. I had no issues getting pregnant with my first, so I never expected anything different this time around.

Oh but things were different, really different. I am still not ready to share the specifics of the last two years, so bare with me. (one day I will)

I will tell you though, I am even more convinced now that we women, are so brave. SO strong and simply do not get knocked down without rising back up stronger and more determined. After a few miscarriages, one D&C (removal of a miscarriage), I came out of it much more resilient. As a mother, as a woman.

We finally accepted that this TTC process was not going to be easy, so we turned to professional help. While doing all the tests (both my husband and I), preparing for all options, breaking down what needs to be done prior to IVF recommendations, and just simply going back and forth, we got a little uplifting surprise.

I was pregnant, again!

We were overjoyed, again.

We were scared, again.

For weeks, I ran to the bathroom, hundreds of times a day, checking, panicking, waiting. Waiting for another miscarriage. Every cramp made me freak out, some scared me, some aches made me hysterical, some angry and some just made me cry. I lost so many nights of sleep. I became so disconnected from a possibility of a positive pregnancy, that I only focused on it ending.

I followed up with my Dr twice a week, sometimes three times, for blood work (to make sure my hormones were rising and not dropping), for ultrasounds and just preparing for a possibility of another miscarriage. We both expected it, rationally.

Week after week, appointment after appointment, the baby kept proving us wrong. We picked up a heartbeat, I stopped spotting, my progesterone hormones kept rising, my nausea kept getting worse (which was such a good sign) along with all other symptoms and eventually, I started to show too.

The baby stuck and it is here to stay.

I am 14 weeks this week and I am out of the danger zone for a miscarriage. My chances at this point are less than 3%, as any other woman at this stage in her pregnancy.

I really wanted to share this, because I wanted to give women a little encouragement. If you are going though the same difficulty, or worse, DON'T GIVE UP. As hard as that may be, DON'T!

Talk to someone! Talk to your Dr about options. Talk to your friends (thank God for the good ones who never gave up on asking me if I was ok. The ones that never gave up on this pregnancy with me. I see you, I love you, I appreciate you). Talk to your spouse, they understand you more than you think (so grateful for mine and all the long hugs that came with his support. All the hand holding and appointment going, all the "it's going to be ok, we will figure it out".) Talk to your sibling, if you have one (no one will understanding you more than them, no one will be able to know exactly how you feel with just the sound of your voice.) Talk to me - anytime. And as silly as it may sounds to some, talk to God. Who ever it may be, try to find comfort in it.

Your burdens will pass, you will get your happy moment, you will see a little Rainbow at the end of all of this.

I am excited and so grateful that I get to have this wonderful experience again. And I pray, if you are struggling, for you to have yours too.

Sincerely, Ilda