More Than a Mom

Before I got pregnant, my husband and I both agreed that it would be best for me to be a Stay at Home Mom once Mini comes around. Due to some surprising events unfolding with my previous job combined with a high-risk pregnancy, that plan began 9 months prior to Mini arriving into this world. Before I get into this, I want to make sure that my husband get's all the credit in this world. I feel so lucky that he took the financial burden on himself and let me enjoy motherhood to the fullest. I am forever grateful for him.

Let's get some things straight. Being a Stay at Home mom is simply not for everyone. Some don't want to postpone their career, some can not do it due to financial reasons and some just simply don't want to stay at home and be tied to a child or children all day. ALL are okay. ALL are acceptable. I have friends that have gone back to work the moment their maternity leave expired and they couldn't wait to get away from a crying, needy little human. But, I also have friends that paused their careers, raised two kids up to school and then decided it was time to take care of themselves. To clarify, neither of their choices make them bad mothers, less educated, less driven, or selfish.

Every mother decides what's best for themselves and their little family, and whatever that decision might be, we are in no place to share our opinions on it.

As for those moms that stay at home with their little ones? Congratulations! Congratulations for keeping it all together. For MENTALLY hanging in there every day. Not a lot of things get to me, but when I come across someone saying "just a stay at home mom!", or "how hard can it really be?", I can't help but cringe a little. It's not easy, it's not simple, it's actually pretty tiring, physically and mentally. You are dedicated to one little human, or 2 or 6, all day, BY YOURSELF. You change diapers, wipe mouths, wipe stains, make meals, play pretend, break up fights, potty train, listen to a cranky crying baby, respond to 33626 "mom" callings, attend 300 of those babies doctor follow ups, schedule playdates, park visits and still manage to take care of your home, take care of your family, and hold everything together, daily. Since you are home ALL DAY, the majority of things that need to be taken care of for your family, falls on you. Which is only fair, since the other partner is out supporting you financially.

For those moms that went back to work the second they could, congratulations to you as well. Congratulations for getting up, dropping your child off to a daycare, to a babysitter or even to a relative to take care off them. I envy your courage for being able to do that. Because I was never able to. You still manage to come home, make dinner, bathe your child, squeeze in play time and do it all over again the next day.

The guilt of going back to work for a long term stay-at-home-mom is real.

The last couple of weeks, I have been debating with myself whether or not it's time to go back to work. There are days where I have honestly had enough of "mom" for the day, and I think it's a good time to go out into the world and interact with other humans. But, those days where Mini is an angel, I tell myself I could do this forever. So what gives? What helps us make the right decision? What helps us make a decision, period?

I don't think there is ever a good time to go back to work. At any given time, that guilt of doing so will be there. How dare we escape into the real world, right? How dare we separate ourselves from our child or children do something for ourselves? How dare we spend 2-3 hrs only a day with our kids? How dare we?

Well, at one point or another, we dare.

We dare to be more than a housewife, we dare to be more than a mom. We dare to be selfish sometimes. We dare to be all, and we can be.

I'd love to hear from you. I'd love for you to tell me how you made the decision to go back to work, or what convinced you to continue staying at home?

With Love,

a mama + her mini